Beat (The Beat and The Pulse #1) Read online

  I stopped, not turning around. I didn’t like this heart to heart bullshit.

  “Thanks.”

  Grunting, I closed the door behind me and thumped down the stairs.

  Ash Fuller growing a heart. What the fuck would happen next?

  I was too weak to stay away, so I came back to Beat that night and the night after that to train with Ren. Soon, it became normal and I found myself outside of the studio without even thinking about it.

  Nobody knew, nobody suspected and as far as I could tell, Ren never told anyone about it either.

  Every night, we trained hard together and hardly spoke about anything other than what technique we were working on and then crashed upstairs. It was a tentative ceasefire of sorts, one that was a fine line between something a little too far and something a little too much.

  Our tentative truce went on for a week before I had the guts to do the stupidest thing of my life. Lying next to her, holding her in my arms, feeling her tight little ass against my thigh…it was enough to drive a man to ruin. Ren was ruining me and I didn’t know how to stop it.

  I thought I knew my limits. Turned out, I didn’t know a fucking thing.

  Staring at the ceiling, while Ren nestled into my side, I wondered what it was about her. Was it the fighting? The training we did together? The fact that she could give me shit as much as I gave it? Or that she could stand up to all the crap in her life and fight? When I stood up to all the bad things in mine, I exploded. She didn’t and I wasn’t sure if what I felt was admiration or jealousy.

  Ren had a stunning body because of her dedication to learning MMA. Her eyes were dark and drew you in, her hair was long and begged to be pulled, her lips were perfect and her tits…fuck her tits...but it was more than that. More than physical. I fuckin’ wanted her and I couldn’t take it anymore.

  “Ren?”

  “Yeah?” Her voice was barely a whisper, but her lips were right near my ear.

  Turning my head, our noses brushed and I slid a hand over her waist.

  “Can I kiss you?” I asked, knowing that I'd be pissed at myself later for showing weakness in front of her. Not just any weakness - my weakness for her.

  Our lips were so close that I felt her breath as it fluttered against my skin. My dick was hard, but I couldn't go that far. It wouldn't be fair to fuck her when I was already being such a selfish cunt. Not waiting for her answer, I sucked her bottom lip into my mouth. I thought I was horny for Ren, but I didn't realize just how horny she was, too.

  The moment our mouths connected, her leg found its way round my waist and her lips parted with a sigh. I licked into her, our tongues teasing, testing the waters, and that's all it took.

  Her hand brushed against my boxers and I grasped her wrist, pinning it behind her back. Fuck, if she touched my dick, I was done. She couldn't touch my dick.

  I pressed my thigh between us, keeping her from grinding into me, and cupped her face in my hand, claiming her mouth again. She was so fucking sweet.

  Her and I together…she chased away the demons. They were gone.

  Pulling back, her eyes met mine and they were full of questions I didn’t have any answers to. Rolling over, I closed my eyes and sleep came quicker than it ever had before.

  Selfish fucking cunt.

  Chapter 16

  Ren

  Ash’s mouth.

  Ash’s mouth on mine.

  Ash’s tongue.

  Fuck, he was a good kisser.

  He kissed me like he’d fallen out of the pages of a romance novel, then rolled over and fell asleep like nothing was out of the ordinary. Like I didn’t have a million questions. Like I didn’t want to do it again.

  I wanted to punch the absolute shit out of him. Jerk.

  I was so frustrated and confused. Ash had just woken up and left without so much as mentioning the kiss. He’d just rolled out of bed, pulled on his clothes and vacated the premises. What the hell was with that?

  That morning’s shift at the coffee house was going fucking spectacular. I dumped a stack of dirty glasses into the sink and they clattered to the bottom with a crash.

  “Hey, Ren,” Seth called out. “Don’t go breaking the shop, hey?”

  I’d been working at the coffee shop for over a week and things were working out great. I hadn’t stuffed up an order, dropped anything or made an ass out of myself yet, so I had that going for me at least. I hadn’t told anyone at Beat I had a job elsewhere and nobody but Ash had seemed to notice and he was yet to rat me out. Josie and I had always been here every morning anyway, so they wouldn’t even suspect and I wanted to keep it that way.

  Joseph paid me cash in hand at the end of last week and first thing I did was go to the bank and deposit it straight into my account. It wasn’t a million bucks, but it was a step in the right direction.

  “Sorry,” I called out, dunking my hands into the water to scrub the coffee stained glasses. There were only a few, so it seemed silly putting them in the dishwasher. Ren’s budgeting tips one-oh-one coming into effect.

  Seth came to stand next to me. “Everything, cool?”

  I stared at his ironic T-shirt that had an image of a triangle with a galaxy space print. Inside, it said, Just Another Hipster Triangle. ”Nice shirt.”

  “Thanks,” he said, glancing down at his chest. “Ironic enough for you?”

  “You’re the biggest hipster I know, so it suits you.”

  He laughed, shoving a hand through his hair. “True.”

  I turned back to finished washing my pile of glasses, but he still hovered, so I glanced back at him. He looked…nervous.

  “Hey, so I’m really bad at this…” Seth hesitated, scratching his head, a grimace plastered on his face.

  “What?” I asked, knowing exactly where this was going and it stunk of Josie. Or then again, he could be doing it all on his own.

  “Do you wanna get dinner or go to a movie or something with me?” he blurted.

  “What, like a date?”

  He laughed nervously. “Yeah, like a date.”

  Oh. Oh. I stood there kind of stunned for a moment, trying to decide which way to take this. I found myself wanting to say yes, but there was that thing that happened last night. Kissing without explanations. I knew I had to sort it out with Ash first. I couldn’t go out with another guy while whatever that thing was with him was going on. It wasn’t fair on Seth.

  Seth’s expression fell. “I gather your deafening silence means it’s a no?”

  “Sorry, it’s not a no. Things are just complicated for me at the moment.” Complicated like, whoa.

  Seth offered me a small smile. “A not yet then?”

  I couldn’t help smiling in return. “Ask me tomorrow.”

  He laughed, pushing his glasses up his nose. “Deal.”

  It wasn’t like I found Seth unattractive. He was quite handsome with his designer stubble, lanky frame and slicked back hairstyle and he actually talked to me like a human being. He was this typical inner city hipster arty type who liked fancy coffee and long meaningful conversations and once, I would’ve gone for him in an instant. But that was then and this was now. Ash Fuller had wormed his way into my bed, kissed me, and destroyed that simplicity with his muscle bound moodiness.

  I had to draw a line and work out Ash’s game, because I was done waiting around for life to work out at Beat. He needed to get with the program or get axed and I had to be strong enough to go through with it.

  Because…fuck…Ash could kiss. He. Could. Fucking. Kiss.

  Seth could be good for me, a safe kind of good, but Ash? The jury was still out on that one.

  Ash stood in front of me, his hair dripping from the shower. It was one am, post training session and as per usual, he’d shown up without a hello and this time it was like nothing had happened between us at all.

  I hadn’t had the guts to ask him what his deal was yet. How could I when he kept dazzling me like he did? Standing there, half naked all the time, ripped abs on show,
his green eyes following my every move. My body was always poised like it was anticipating his touch, but it never came. It hadn’t, at least not until he’d kissed me the night before.

  For the first time, I had the guts to stare at his tattoo and read the words he thought were important enough to keep forever. Rage. Heart. Rebirth.

  “Like what you see?” he asked with a smirk.

  My gaze met his briefly before falling back to his tattoo. “What does it mean?”

  He picked up his bag and began walking away. “A lot of things.”

  I followed him out into the studio. “Like what?”

  “Like too many things that I don’t want to talk about.”

  Scowling at his back as he began climbing the stairs, I bit out, “You never talk.”

  He didn’t reply until he was opening the door to my storage closet. “That’s what I like about this. We don’t talk.”

  Sighing loudly, I fell into bed. He didn’t talk, he didn’t explain, he didn’t anything. It was a whole lotta selfish right there. Did he think he was above me? The more I thought about it, the more I wondered if this was just his outlet. His way of getting what he wanted without commitment.

  Was he using me?

  The mattress dipped as Ash climbed in beside me and a moment later the lamp switched off. I wanted to kick him out and I wanted to sleep next to him again. Guess which one won out over the other? What a weak little so-and-so.

  Rolling over, Ash covered half of my body with his, a thigh pressing between my legs. A strong hand tugged my face to his and he kissed me. As soon as his lips touched mine, it was the same as the night before. My entire body came alive with fireworks and I pressed upwards, my breasts jamming hard against his chest. His hand moved from my face and pressed my hips back into the mattress, separating my body from his.

  Slapping his hand away, I sunk my teeth into his bottom lip, causing him to moan softly. I needed him to touch me, I needed him. What the fuck was his game, coming in here and letting things get this far? What did he get out of this? All I got was a bucket load of pent up sexual frustration.

  He plunged his tongue into my mouth, claiming me for himself, looking for some kind of solace. Was it like fighting was for me? Did it serve as some kind of distraction? I wasn’t going to be his distraction. Fucked if I was letting him use me like a cheap piece of meat.

  It took all my will power, but I pushed him away with the flats on my palms, shoving his chest as hard as I could. He broke away, a frown on his perfect fucking face. Why did he have to look like that?

  “What are we doing, Ash?” I asked through a heavy breath.

  “Kissing.”

  He went to take my lips with his again, but I turned away. “You know what I mean.”

  He didn’t answer, his gaze flickering to my lips.

  I scowled. “You've been coming here every night for over a week-”

  “Don't you want me here?”

  “Yes,” I said, shaking my head. “That's the problem. I want you. I want you to touch me.”

  “I am touching you,” he said through a heavy breath.

  “You know what I mean, Ash.”

  He swallowed hard and sat up, shoving his hands into his already messy hair.

  “I hardly know you, but I want you to be mine.” I let out a shaky breath, hoping my heart would stay stuck together. “I want to be yours. I want you to touch me. I want you to take me.”

  He hissed sharply, refusing to look at me. “You deserve better.”

  “I think I know what I want,” I drawled.

  “You’ve got plenty of other options.”

  I bit my bottom lip, trying to stem the tears that had sprung to life in my eyes. “I haven't got anyone, Ash.”

  “You've got your Dad. You’ve-”

  “My Dad doesn't give a shit,” I interrupted. “I live in the fucking storeroom. I'm the apple of his fucking eye. He didn't care when he walked out on me and my Mum and he still doesn't.”

  He finally looked up at me, his green eyes full of something I didn’t understand. “Ren, I don’t think-”

  “I'm here because he feels guilty, not because he loves me. I’m using him for Beat and the free rent.”

  “Ren, I-”

  “Why won't you put me out of my misery?” I wailed. “Does it turn you on, getting me into the palm of your hand and teasing me every night? Then teasing me during the day by flirting with Monica, the bitch who wants me dead? Is that what this is? A game?”

  He stared at me, his expression changing so fast, I had no idea what was going on in his pea-brain.

  “Just tell me, Ash. You’re using me for comfort or what-fucking-ever this is to you. I’m used to being used and dumped, so just fucking do it. Rip it off like a band aid.”

  Abruptly, he shoved the blanket away and began pulling on his clothes. I watched him dress, my heart cracking. I shouldn't be surprised. I shouldn't be holding back tears. This was the inevitable end I’d been waiting for all along.

  Without a word, Ash was on his feet, wrenching open the door. When it slammed closed behind him, my already damaged heart just disappeared into oblivion.

  Chapter 17

  Ash

  I broke her heart.

  I never cared before. I never cared about a woman - all I gave a crap about was fighting.

  Best thing to do was break it before someone else did it for me. My lesson was well and truly learnt in that department. Better I did it than let her suffer in someone else's hands.

  Ren's lips on mine. Her tongue, her taste, her smell... Just thinking about her made me hard as a rock. It took all my willpower not to picture her naked and moaning as I ploughed into her. Fuck, her pussy.

  It was broad daylight, I was standing in the middle of Beat, and all I could think about was fucking Ren. My cock in her pussy.

  For a split second I thought about going into the change rooms and beating off, thinking about her as I came. Before I realized what I was doing, I scooped up my towel and walked across the studio and disappeared out back. My hand was on my cock against the material of my shorts and the other on the shower door, when I paused.

  Selfish fucking cunt.

  “Ash?”

  Screwing my eyes shut at the sound of the wrong female voice, I glanced over my shoulder at Monica.

  “Everything okay?” she asked, stepping closer.

  Fuck, I was so horny. I needed to come so fucking bad.

  “Fine,” I replied, my jaw grinding.

  “You don't look fine,” she murmured, trying to be all sultry, pouting her lips and sticking her tits out. Monica was beautiful, anyone with a pair could see that, but the personality didn't match. Once, she was the type of woman I'd fuck until I was satisfied, toss out and never call again. Now...

  Letting go of my cock, I turned to face her, to tell her to go fuck Dean, because it'd do the guy a favor, but I turned right into her. Her tits pressed against my chest, her scent washed over me and her hand found my hard cock. Too bad it was hard for another woman.

  Her gaze met mine and a wicked grin spread across her face. So, she was finally making her play and all it took was for me to pay a little attention to her sister. An image of Ren appeared in my minds eye, all sweaty from our workout the night before, the feel of her body against mine...her frustration...and I pressed my crotch into her hand.

  Monica bit her bottom lip in what looked like triumph and began to palm my cock, rubbing up and down.

  Grabbing her wrist, I yanked her hand away. “Not for you.”

  She stared at me, her expression falling into surprise. “Excuse me?”

  “No one ever told you no before?” I whispered in her ear.

  She shoved me hard in the chest, stepping away, obviously hurt. Like I gave a shit.

  “Be careful what you say to me, Ash,” she hissed. “You want it. You're hard for fucks sake. Let's just get it over with.”

  My eyebrows rose. “You think I want you?”

 
Her face contorted into a deep set scowl. Mean Monica was out of her cage showing her true colors. “You'll regret this.”

  “You're going to run to Daddy?” I sneered. “Who do you think got this place out of the black hole it was in? Who earns the money that keeps this place afloat? Me. I don't think Daddy cares, sweetheart.”

  Monica shoved me hard in the chest, but it was like she was trying to push a brick wall. If Ren was on the other end, she could put a dint in me. At the thought of that little spitfire, I felt my blood thicken.

  “Asshole,” Monica hissed, turning on her heel and fleeing. I didn't give a fuck.

  She was the wrong sister. Monica obviously took after her uppity mother. Ren, despite her feelings toward the man, took after Coach more than she knew. I'd pick Ren time and time again, but I could never have her the way I wanted. It'd already gone too far.

  Slapping my hand on the shower door, I locked it behind me and began rubbing one out. Ren or no Ren, blue balls never helped anyone.

  Chapter 18

  Ren

  I’d been let down by guys before, but I’d never been rejected so bluntly.

  I’d never put myself out there like that either. I mean, I’d never told a guy how much I wanted him to fuck me, so that was a new one. I’d pretty much given Ash free reign and all he did was get up and leave.

  I was horrified, embarrassed and heartbroken.

  All it did was solidify my belief that in the end, everyone just abandons you when things get hard. I wanted to curl into a little ball and just give up, but that would be too easy, right? I doubted anyone would come and check on me until a weird smell started wafting from underneath the storeroom door.

  A cold shower did wonders for waking me up, but not a lot for my melancholy. I stood under the spray, shivering for what felt like an hour before I had the guts to go back out into the studio. Breakfast went down without touching the sides and I slunk into the gym before Ash even arrived. Even then, I was too embarrassed to meet his gaze when he did show up for the days training.