Crash Read online

  “It’ll be great,” Ren said, pulling up a chair at the table. “Apparently they stick you in a flash change room and bring you shit to try on. I have zero instincts for material.”

  “Fuck, neither do I. Match made in heaven,” Ash said, wiggling his eyebrows.

  I shuddered and backed into the bench, sinking into the corner.

  “I’ll come get you just after ten,” Ren said. “We’ll go together, just us.”

  I thought about what Dr. Ormond told me about trying to make bigger trips. I’d already agreed to go to Pulse and work in the office, maybe going shopping with Ren wouldn’t be so bad. The more I thought about it, the more it seemed like a smaller step than the one I’d already agreed to.

  “Okay,” I said, trying to force a smile. “I’ll be ready.”

  Ash beamed at me like a proud parent, and I began to realize he had become exactly that in lieu of ours dumping us when we got messed up. Ash was more of a dad to me than the real one was. I smiled again, and this time, it was genuine. Fuck, I loved my brother.

  Ren clapped her hands and danced on her chair. “Good, at least one of us will know what the fuck is going on.”

  **

  The ride into the city had been okay. Ren picked me up and parked in an undercover carpark just behind Myer in Melbourne’s CBD. She’d held my arm as we wove our way through the throngs of people, and when we got inside the store, she pranced through almost deserted departments until we made it to the personal shopper.

  Ren was currently twirling about in a black dress, trying to walk in a pair of six-inch heels. She looked more like a velociraptor than an elegant woman. She could fight, but walk in those shoes? Forget about it.

  “I feel like a total fuckwit,” she said with a laugh, sticking her foot into the air. “Seriously? Heels and me? Pfft.”

  I glanced at the black shoes on her feet, which were patent kitten heels, and rolled my eyes. “They look good on you.”

  “They’re also five hundred bucks. I can go down the street and get the exact same pair at Sexyland for fifty. Forty-five at Club X.” Trust Ren to shop for a bargain at a sex shop. Her boldness never failed to alarm me.

  “I’ll wait in the car.”

  Ren frowned and picked up a purple dress from the rack. “Try this one on.”

  The personal shopper chose that moment to walk in with another armload of dresses and exclaimed, “Oh yes! That would work perfectly with your skin tone.”

  I shrunk slightly at her sudden appearance. I reached out and snatched the dress from Ren, escaping into the dressing room. Sliding the curtain across, I leaned against the wall and took a few deep breaths. I could do this. I had to do this. It was just a chick doing her job. Glancing at myself in the mirror, I wondered if I needed a bloody chant to psych myself up.

  It was really nice of Ren to invite me along on her shopping trip, and so far, I’d been nothing but a drag. Having a rich brother and a fashionista friend had its advantages, but I had to get out of myself and stop being a total energy vampire. Whipping off my top and jeans, I unzipped the dress and wiggled into it. Bigger steps.

  The dress clung tightly to my body, showing off pretty much everything—my ass, my tiny waist, my boobs—and the neckline was scooped low, just showing the tiniest hint of cleavage. The hemline came to mid-thigh with a slight flare so when I turned, it twirled slightly. It was classy, yet a little easy going. If that was any way to describe a dress.

  Gazing at myself in the mirror, I imagined myself wearing it at the party, trying to remember what it was like to be fearless, confident and able to hold a conversation. Pulse’s debut opening was important to Ash and his career. After all he’d endured for me, I had to try. I began to formulate answers for the questions people would no doubt ask me. Are you proud of your brother? What do you think of his new venture? Do you support his move to turn his back on a professional career? And then there was the big one. Violet Fuller, where have you been?

  Pushing the thoughts away for later, I swept aside the curtain and stepped out to find Ren had changed into another dress. It was black with silver spikes across the shoulders and a low-cut back. Simple yet fierce. It was totally her style. Pair that with her fifty-dollar stripper heels and she was probably good to go.

  “I’d buy that one,” I said as she glanced up at me.

  “Good,” she declared. “It’s only eighty bucks.”

  “You and your thrifty living,” I retorted with an eye roll. “I thought you were a rich Underground Champion of the world?”

  She tapped her temple. “Once a scrooge, always a scrooge.” She looked me over. “That dress is good on you, FYI. The chick was right about the color.”

  I turned around, checking out my reflection. Out here, it looked much better. With some nice matching heels and that black leather jacket I had at home, it would look decent enough. I could wear that gold necklace Ash got me for my birthday last year. A plum sapphire on a delicate chain.

  “Did you know Lincoln’s back in Melbourne?” she asked, twirling in front of the mirror.

  I froze. “N-no.”

  “Ash said something about his shoulder. I haven’t had a chance to call Josie and ask.”

  “His shoulder?” He must’ve injured himself… At the thought of Lincoln Hayes wandering around Melbourne, my entire body began to snap, crackle and pop. I’d crushed hard on him as a teenager. I mean, he was training at Beat alongside my brother, so I’d seen a lot of him and his identical twin, Dean. He’d been sweet, quiet, hard working…and totally steaming hot. I’d spent hours fantasizing about the guy, but he’d never looked twice. For a sixteen-year-old girl, that was the kiss of death.

  Truthfully, I’d never really gotten him out of my head. I began to wonder if things might’ve happened between us if I hadn’t been attacked. I thought about it a lot, but as I stood there in front of the mirror staring at the stupid purple dress, I wondered if now was the time.

  I shook my head. Fat fucking chance. He never looked in the first place, why would he look at a scared little mouse now? He was probably used to model-esque women throwing themselves at him. You know, the outgoing kind that screamed during sex and didn’t cry at the thought of leaving the house to go get the newspaper.

  “Violet?”

  I glanced at Ren in the mirror and realized she’d been trying to get my attention. “Huh?”

  She smiled, but didn’t state the obvious. Instead, she said, “You should get that one.”

  Staring at my reflection, I nodded. The personal shopper, whatever her name was, was right on the money. The purple did suit me.

  **

  I ran my palms down my waist and across my hips, nervously smoothing down the deep purple dress I’d picked out at the shops. The lady had said it was grape, but I stuck with purple.

  “Ready, squirt?” Ash asked, standing on the footpath before me.

  He looked totally dapper in his black slacks, slate gray shirt with silver tie and black suit jacket. I’d never seen him so dressed up before. Ren stood next to him looking like a catwalk model, her toned fighter’s body making me feel utterly inadequate. Next to her, I was weedy, pale and unfit. Maybe I should actually start using the gym at home. I bet that would make Ash foam at the mouth with pride.

  We stood around the corner from Pulse, where the party was just getting going. As the owner and the man of the minute, Ash had to arrive late to his own party to walk the ‘blue’ carpet, get his photo taken and talk to the press. The carpet was his idea. It matched the colors of the gym and one of his biggest sponsors. They’d loaded the gym with their equipment—at a massive discount—on the proviso their logo would be splashed all over tonight’s event. A lot of people had cash riding on this place, not just my brother.

  I nodded, shivering as a group of people passed us by. They waved, and Ash nodded politely, his gaze still on mine.

  “It’s your big night,” I said. “Don’t spend it worrying about me.”

  “It’s a big ste
p,” he replied.

  “Yeah, but I need to start handling shit on my own.”

  Ren elbowed him. “Right,” he said. “I still want the two most important people in my whole life on my arm tonight, though.”

  Smiling, I said, “Stop sucking up.”

  Threading his left arm through mine and his right through Ren’s, we wandered around the corner and into the fray. I wasn’t sure what I was expecting, but when he’d mentioned there would be a little carpet photo op, I had kind of thought there’d be maybe four or five people and a reporter or two. Nothing major. Except reality was standing right in front of me, looking like twenty cameras, two TV crews and a bunch of people with phones in their hands, waiting to record interviews.

  As we stepped onto the carpet, my heartbeat sped up, thumping erratically in my chest. Breathing deeply, I concentrated on setting one foot in front of the other, ignoring my sweaty palms. The snap of a dozen cameras going off made me shy away and Ash wound his arm around my waist, holding me against him. Ren stood on his other side, posing like a fighter. I suspected she was taking the piss as she was never one for photos on a good day. I began to wish with utter ferocity that I was as fearless as her.

  “You’re doing great, Vee,” Ash murmured.

  There was a cacophony of voices yelling out questions to him and a few even began calling to me for a photo. I squinted as more flashbulbs went off.

  “If you don’t want to answer any questions, I’d go inside,” Ash said, giving me a tiny push toward the door.

  I swallowed hard and nodded, making a beeline for the entrance. I shoved open the door with the flat of my palms, and the sound of rock music blared from the speakers within. Trying not to let the unknown overwhelm me, I ventured inside. Bigger steps.

  I’d been to Pulse once before while it was under construction. I’d seen the shell, but now that I was here for the opening, it was the first time I’d seen the completed masterpiece. My eyes widened as I took in the scene. Posh didn’t do it justice. Even at a simple glance, I could tell Ash had created his dream fighter gym and should be very proud of himself.

  The moment the door closed behind me, I was offered a drink by a waitress at the door. She was a busty woman in a sports bra and tiny shorty shorts. Taken by surprise, I flinched backward and shook my head. She glanced at me with a quizzical expression before turning to serve the person who’d entered behind me.

  “Don’t ask me about the cage girls,” Ren declared standing beside me, her voice raised so I could hear her over the music. “It was Ash’s idea, the pig.”

  I laughed, instantly at ease. “Sounds like him.”

  “I’m going to get a drink at the bar. You want?”

  I shook my head. “I think I’m just going to ease into this,” I replied.

  Ren placed her hand on my arm. “Well, I won’t be far.”

  “Okay.” I gave her a smile, more to reassure her than myself. People had started to notice us standing by the door and soon enough they’d begin to wander over and want to talk.

  Ren gave me a wave and disappeared off toward the bar while I sucked in a deep breath for courage. Stepping forward, I began to melt into the crowd of finely dressed people, focusing on putting one foot in front of the other. The further I went, the more isolated I became. Alone in a fucking crowd.

  As I progressed, more and more people turned to look at me. I felt their eyes and saw the hushed whispers. I could read their lips and hear their thoughts. There’s the sister who was raped.

  My throat began to constrict, and my vision became blurry around the edges, waves of nausea rising to the surface. Fuck, I felt like I was going to pass out. Turning sharply on my heel, I fled back the way I’d come. There was a staircase dead ahead, and I clattered upward, pushing through the first door at the top. I found myself in the office, the noise from the music below instantly cut off into a dull boom of bass. This must be where I was going to work on Monday.

  “Violet?”

  I paused at the sound of the deep voice, my heart beginning to flutter. I’d recognize it anywhere, but my name on his lips sent everything into overload. Should I run? Should I turn? Should I smile?

  Deciding to turn, my gaze met his, and I felt like everything was about to explode. If it was a good thing, I was too frightened to understand.

  Lincoln smiled, his green eyes crinkling slightly at the corners. He held his mobile phone in his hand, the screen lit. He must’ve been on a call when I busted in on him.

  “Sorry,” I blurted.

  “It’s alright,” he said taking a step forward. “I was just talking to Dean.”

  “Oh.” I fixed my gaze on his shoes. They were pretty nice shoes.

  “I was hoping I’d run into you,” he said, making me glance up. He flashed a heart-stopping smile, and I think I might’ve actually died for a beat or two.

  I never had trouble telling the Twins apart. When I was a shy sixteen-year-old, I’d watched them training as much as I’d watched Ash and had fast learned the differences. For one, they fought differently, and Lincoln had this dimple in his right cheek that Dean didn’t have…and I noticed it right now. I’d seen pictures of him online, and I knew he was good looking, but in the flesh? I flushed and glanced away.

  “I thought you were in Sydney,” I said, my voice wavering.

  “Ah, well, I was…” He trailed off, looking uncomfortable.

  “What?” It was out my mouth before I could stop myself.

  His eyes met mine, and he simply said, “Shoulder.”

  He was injured just like Ren’d said, and that was the only reason he was here. I didn’t want to feel deflated, but I did. To think it’d crossed my mind that he’d come here in hopes of seeing me. Stupid childhood crushes died hard, it seemed. Reading hundreds of romance novels while I stuck my head in the sand didn’t help anything either.

  We stood awkwardly for a moment, and I choked out, “I’m sorry.”

  Lincoln shrugged. “It happens.” He paused, running a hand through his hair. “Are you okay?”

  It was then that I’d realized my panic attack had subsided and had been replaced with something else. Attraction, lust, desire…and I wasn’t sure how to handle it.

  “Violet?”

  I glanced up and forced a smile. “Yeah. I just needed some air.”

  “In the office?” he asked with a frown.

  Screwing my eyes shut, I shook my head. “Space. I mean, I needed some space.”

  He shifted from one foot to the other, his expression changing. Focusing enough to become more present, I found myself giving him the once over. He was dressed much like Ash, in a dark suit and shirt, but he hadn’t gone as far as to select a tie. His collar was open, and I stared at his naked throat, my mind wandering to dangerous territory.

  “I can leave,” he said after a moment.

  This was not how I pictured my first actual adult conversation with Lincoln Hayes. I felt embarrassment flare, my cheeks heating to inferno levels.

  “It’s okay,” I muttered, backing away. “I was just going…”

  Turning, I fumbled with the door handle and pushed out into the hall, knowing I’d probably just blown any chance I ever had with the guy in those thirty seconds. He now thought I was crazy. Totally bloody insane. What was I expecting anyway? I didn’t even know the guy anymore, and I certainly didn’t know him that well before either.

  Knowing I was in the deep end with no hopes of recovery, I wanted to go home.

  Stumbling down the stairs and back into the party, I searched for Ash, weaving through the masses of people milling around getting pissed on his dime. I hugged my arms around my middle, keeping my gaze averted, dodging when somebody came within touching distance. Yeah, I was certifiably mental.

  Spotting Ash in the distance, talking to a group of people, I made straight for him. I hated what I was about to do, but I couldn’t help it…could I? Maybe tonight was too much of a big step.

  Tugging on Ash’s arm, I said, “I
’m going home.”

  Turning away from his conversation, he frowned. “You okay?”

  I nodded, swallowing hard, my eyes darting to the floor. “I just…”

  “It’s okay,” he replied, winding an arm around my waist. “I’ll get you a taxi. Is that cool? I’ve kinda gotta stick around.”

  “Yeah.” I sighed. “I’m sorry, Ash. I tried, I really did…”

  “It’s okay, squirt.” He hugged me tight as we weaved through the mass of bodies. “The fact that you made it inside at all is fuckin’ huge. I’m proud of you.”

  Cool air hit my face as we stepped outside, chasing away the burn in my cheeks. What was normal anyway? Nil social anxiety and the ability to string a sentence together in front of the guy you liked. At the thought of my brief encounter with Lincoln, I closed my eyes, willing the tears that threatened to fuck off. While I’d stood in the kitchen the other day, staring at those stupid romance books, I’d decided it was time for something good in my life. I knew I had to fight and that it would be hard, but I didn’t think it would be so humiliating. Happy endings? How could I have one of those if I couldn’t even look at a man?

  As I stood out on the footpath waiting for Ash to call a taxi, I couldn’t help but wonder if I was ever going to get better. Maybe this was it. Violet Fuller was a scared, social reject and nothing was ever going to change.

  It was an alarming thought.

  Four

  Lincoln

  The door closed behind Violet, and I blinked hard, lost for words.

  What the fuck just happened?

  She was just as gorgeous as I remembered, but she was…scared? Of what? Me? I knew she’d had a rough time of it, but I was just beginning to understand how much.

  I shook my head. What the fuck did I know about her life? Making assumptions like a know-it-all.

  Rubbing my eyes, I pushed out into the hall and thumped down the stairs, re-joining the party. What had Dean said on the phone? Oh yeah, have lots of fun, which was his code for ‘get your dick in something and chill the fuck out’.

  Making my way through the crowd of people, I shook a few hands and smiled a lot, but I really just wanted to see her. Lingering by the bar, my eyes scanned the room, but I couldn’t see any trace of the mysterious Violet Fuller.