Pulse Page 20

  I knew that this time would be the last. Once we got in that cage Hammer wouldn’t stop until he’d taken my life, so I better be ready to do the same. It just sucked that I’d have to give up the last part of myself that was good to be able to do it.

  Spitfire. By avenging her, the woman I loved, I might lose her too.

  I was keeping secrets again and I was considering committing the ultimate crime in her name. It didn’t get any worse than this.

  If there was another way out, I wasn’t sure what it was and the more I thought about it, I knew there wasn’t.

  This was how it was meant to go down.

  Someone had to die.

  I was still seething by the time Ren and I got back to Beat that night.

  It was past midnight, pushing one am, as we showered together. Usually the hot water, her wet mouth and her pussy were enough to calm me down, but tonight I was still strung out.

  Hammer and I had come to an understanding about how this would end between us and I didn’t like it one bit.

  I toweled my Spitfire dry and she dressed as my body hummed with the quick fuck we’d just had. God, fucking her, burying my cock into the woman I loved…even that couldn’t take the edge off.

  I watched as she brushed her fingers through her damp hair, combing out the tangles. She was beautiful, strong, everything I wasn’t and fuck I loved her. I didn’t understand my feelings, even though they now had a name, and the ache that spread in my chest didn’t seem connected. Love was meant to make you feel good, right? Then why did I feel like crap?

  “What’s wrong?” Ren asked after a moment.

  “Nothing,” I bit out.

  “Like fuck,” she hissed and I instantly felt like crap. “I’m not stupid; I can feel you pushing me away without you even lifting a finger.” She sighed, hanging up her towel. “I can feel it in the way you fucked me.”

  “I didn’t fuck you,” I replied, my voice coming out a little angrier than I would’ve liked.

  “There’s two kinds of fucking with you, Maverick,” she said, narrowing her pretty brown eyes. “The consuming kind where I know it’s from your heart and the kind we just had in the shower.”

  “And what kind is that?”

  “The kind where you fuck to forget.”

  She had me there.

  “I’ll only ask you one more time, then you can either come upstairs with me or you can fuck off home. What’s. Wrong?”

  Fuck, she was a hard-ass. If she knew something was off, did she know about…? No, if she knew about the scout and this thing with Hammer, she would’ve just come out and said it. That’s the kind of woman she was. Feisty…there was a reason I called her Spitfire.

  “I’m cracking, Ren. I can’t…” I shoved a hand through my hair. “I can’t…” I couldn’t say the words ‘hold on’. Because I was breaking, I kept telling myself that I had to hold on, I had to keep my control, but it was easier said than done. The things he’d done to them… How could I have let him go…twice?

  “Ash, please talk to me,” Ren said. She didn’t step forward or even try to touch me and I began to wonder if she was afraid of me. Afraid of the beast that could lash out at her at any second. I was stupid to think I could do this my way. Maybe I should be locked up.

  “I can’t control it Ren,” I said beating my fist over my heart. I couldn’t tell her the real reason, so I decided being a dick was better than smashing her heart. “I see other men... I saw him touch you and I almost lost it.”

  “Seth?” she asked, her eyes narrowing. “You don’t trust me?”

  “I don’t trust them!”

  “There’s gotta be a point where you let go Ash. We can’t keep going on like this.”

  “I keep hurting you,” I exclaimed. “I keep hurting you by trying to do the right thing.”

  “We knew it would be tough,” she said. “We knew…”

  “You can go and I can finish it and…” I trailed off, the ending of that sentence too terrible to even comprehend.

  She stared at me in shock, her eyes sparkling. Shit, I’d made her cry…again.

  “And you’ll leave me again?” she exclaimed. “You’ll destroy your own life? Completely this time?”

  Thinking about all the crap we’d been through, I wondered if the kindest thing I’d ever done was to leave her. When I was gone she’d hurt, but she’d also made pro, built a better relationship with her father and she had friends to help her through. Ever since I’d come back, her life had been nothing short of hard.

  “No Ash,” she said, reading my expression. “I love you, you love me. You promised me and I sure as fuck promised you. I’m not letting you leave me again. Ever.”

  Even as she said the words, I knew I wouldn’t go through with it. I loved her with everything I had, but I didn’t love her enough to let her go. I was such a selfish fuck. What would it do to her when I finally got in that cage with Hammer and only one of us walked away? What would it do to her then?

  “This is exactly what they want,” she whispered.

  I stared at her and began putting the pieces together.

  “Psychological warfare,” she said, staring right back. “Rogue warned us that they’d try something different.”

  “Fucking…” I ran my hand over my face.

  “You need to let it go and trust me. I. Trust. You. Don’t let them win. You told me that. You-”

  This unbelievable burst of feeling spread through me and I pulled her roughly against my chest and crashed my lips to hers, winding my arms around her waist.

  She pulled away, tears dampening her cheeks and her breathing ragged.

  “We’re a team,” she gasped, clinging to me like I was her lifeline. Little did she know that she was mine.

  “I love you Spitfire. Always.”

  She sniffed and buried her face against my chest, her arms winding around my neck.

  If I was going to die, then I wanted to take whatever time I had left with her and make the most of it. I wanted to love her, fuck her, make her feel special…but I had to be strong. I had to hold on for a little while longer.

  Ren could never know what we intended to let happen at that fight. If she knew, then she’d try to stop it. If it didn’t happen in the cage, then it would happen elsewhere and that would be so much worse. In the cage, if I won, I had an escape. Outside, I was looking at life in the slammer.

  Ren could never know that this was how things would end.

  There wasn’t any other way.

  Chapter 31

  Ren

  I’d been enrolled in the School of Hard Knocks from a young age.

  Lesson number one was…the only way to get over fear was to face it head-on.

  It was just another way of saying ‘fighting’ and that’s what I did best in all senses of the word. I fought when my mum was sick, I fought against my opponents in the cage and I fought against the fear of being attacked again.

  I never understood what it was like to have that constant sensation prickling at the back of my neck, not until Ash and I had come back to The Underground. Hammer lurked, he taunted from a distance, but it was a coward’s game on his side. He’d only win if I lost another fight because of his words. So, the solution was easy.

  Get back in the cage and fight through it.

  Ash…Ash was just another roller coaster. The fact that he’d even thought about leaving me again, even for a second, hurt. It more than hurt, it cut deep into my heart. If he left again, it’d destroy me. Totally and utterly. There would be no coming back from that heartache.

  Everything that I’d been through, it’d been for us because life without Ash Fuller would be bleak and desolate. In the months after my mum had died, it’d been much the same. I’d rebelled against her dying wish to find my dad, but deep down I knew something had to change. I’d fallen onto a path of self-destruction and it hadn’t been until I’d stepped over the threshold of Beat that I’d felt something change.

  Mum had brought me to
Dad and inevitably to Ash. Nobody could replace her, not by a long shot, but I knew one thing. She’d want me to fight for him. For us. She was my mum and she wanted me to be happy and if Ash made me happy, then so be it.

  I walked through The Underground in a daze, my body zinging with the built up tension of the past few days.

  I ignored the looks and snide comments as I walked through the change room and opened my locker. Bitch has been brought down from her pedestal now. I pulled out my gear and stripped off my T-shirt. She thinks she’s all that. I kicked off my boots and dumped them into the locker. Look at her parading around this place like she owns it.

  I didn’t think I was any of those things. Were they just trying to get into my head? Was it jealousy? No, it couldn’t be jealousy; I didn’t think I was that great.

  Maybe it pissed them off that I’d gotten into pro and had dumped it to come back here. They couldn’t know the circumstances, but that had to be a kick in the guts. Maybe it was jealousy, but maybe it was just about the money. Money did crazy shit to some people.

  I felt a looming sensation behind me and my heart began to thump in my chest.

  “Spitfire,” Ash murmured before reaching out for my hand.

  I was glad he’d announced himself before touching me, otherwise I would’ve decked him one and kneed him in the balls for good measure.

  I curled my fingers around his as he tugged me toward him. “Hey.”

  “All good?”

  The answer to that was ‘somewhat’, but I couldn’t get the words past my throat.

  Instead, I said, “I need to know you’re with me.”

  Ash sucked in a breath before saying, “Of course I’m with you.”

  I tightened my fingers around his hand.

  “I’ll be watching you from the side of the cage,” he said. “I won’t take my eyes off of you.”

  I smiled, trying to push down all the doubts I had weighing on my chest. “You better not.”

  The only way through this was one step at a time. Then the next and the next until there was nowhere else to go. When we got to the end, then we could look up and wonder about the future. Getting back in the cage tonight after my epic KO was just another of those steps. A bite sized chunk of the prize.

  Ash walked hand in hand with me out into the arena and I strode into the cage, shoving my fear to the back of my mind. I came face to face with Fury and rolled my shoulders. I was ready.

  She held out her hand and shook as I grasped it. She was a class act if I ever saw one. No matter how brutal this place got, she always had her hand out to shake before and after a fight…no matter who her opponent was.

  She was no nonsense, told it like it was and got straight down to business. No games, no maliciousness. She was like me…there to fight.

  The bout began and we instantly grappled, both of us struggling to get the upper hand. We broke and tried again, this time I went on the defensive as she attempted to dominate with a flurry of blows. High, low, high again, as she forced me back toward the edge of the cage.

  “Reign!”

  I stiffened as I heard Hammer’s voice, his slimy, disgusting voice but this time I didn’t turn to find his gaze. Hammer was at it again, trying to rattle me, trying to break the thing that made me me. He was trying to take my strength and I wasn’t having it.

  I continued to fight Fury, dodging a kick that flew high and counter attacking.

  “Did you dream about my finger in your cunt when you were out, Reign?”

  I let his barb roll off my back as I sunk my fist into Fury’s ribs, driving the air from her lungs. Perfect move.

  “I’m going to make you suck my cock Reign. And I’m going to make you swallow.”

  My gaze brushed by Hammer’s and I felt his words roll off my back and disappear into oblivion. Then he was just a blip on my radar until even that faded. He only had power while I let him.

  His crude insults became fewer and far between as the fight went on until they stopped all together. As Fury lay on the flat on her back, thumping the mat with her fist, the only thing that I heard from the sidelines was my name on the lips of hundreds of people in the crowd.

  Hammer was long gone and I’d won this round. Against Fury and against his psychological warfare.

  As I helped Fury to her feet in a show of good sportsmanship, I knew that next time wouldn’t be so easy. Maybe next time it’d be Ash he’d go after and the thought stirred up another kind of fear in my belly.

  But for now, I’d class this one as a win. No fear. A triumphant return to the cage. One bloody KO was enough to last me a lifetime.

  Relief was an odd feeling.

  I’d become so accustomed to carrying around tension in my body that I never understood how having that burden lifted could change so many things. I slept better, I enjoyed simple things, I was horny and that was a pretty good feeling.

  Overcoming my fear of getting back in the cage and facing Hammer’s psychological warfare had brought back my focus with renewed fervor. I was going to be in that Championship bout no matter who or what got in my way.

  Ash was pretty much living with me full-time while we were competing at The Underground and more often than not, I found myself amongst a pile of his stuff. I knew we threw our clothes about in fits of passion nine times out of ten, but I was forever picking up after him and right now he was downstairs in the shower out of the firing line. Bloody men.

  Scooping up his discarded clothes, I hesitated when a card fell out of the pocket of his jeans and fluttered to the floor. It landed facedown, but it looked like a business card. Thinking nothing of it, I picked it up and flipped it over and did a double-take.

  The AUFC logo was on the front with a guy’s name. Scott Grayson.

  I sucked in a sharp breath. The name was familiar. He was an ‘official’ scout, enticing fighters into the league, paring them with sponsors and trainers for a cut of the pie.

  It didn’t take a rocket scientist to understand that he’d approached Ash and my skin began to prickle. They wanted to take him back?

  I’d seen the change in Maverick over the last few months, but I mustn’t be the only one. Of course I wasn’t the only one. He was a powerhouse.

  The door opened and I jumped, holding the pile of clothes and card to my chest. Ash stepped into the room, his hair dripping from his shower.

  “You look like you’ve seen a ghost,” Maverick said, smiling at me in the way that always got my knickers a little damp. Why did he have to be so fucking handsome when I wanted to rip him a new one?

  “What’s this?” I asked, holding the card so he could see.

  “Where’d you get that?”

  “It fell out of the pocket of your jeans.” I dumped his clothes on the bed as he stared at the card, his smile fading.

  “Ren, I was going to tell you...”

  “How long have you had it?”

  “A week.”

  “Ash,” I said, annoyance starting to bubble in my stomach like acid. If he was keeping something this big from me, were there other things he wasn’t telling me? “You promised me. You promised no more secrets…”

  “I know Spitfire…”

  “Then why didn’t you tell me? I’m not pissed off...at least I’m trying not to be.” I mean, it hurt that he didn’t tell me, but it felt like he was falling back into old habits.

  “Ren, I wasn’t sure what I was going to do. It took me by surprise. I mean, fuck, I thought that was a door that was closed forever.”

  I narrowed my eyes, not sure how I was supposed to react. “So, they really want you to compete again?”

  He nodded, his lips thin. If he thought I was going to be pissed because I withdrew...

  I sighed. “If going back to pro is what you want-”

  He stepped forward and placed a hand over my mouth, stifling my complaints. My gaze locked with his and my heart did a little flip-flop.

  “I don’t know what I want,” he murmured.

  “Do you w
ant to go back?” I whispered as his hand fell away.

  “I don’t know,” he replied, cupping my face in his big paws. “The only thing I’m certain of is you. I’d follow you to hell and back.”

  “I think we’ve already been there,” I said with a smile. “I’d like to go someplace else now.”

  “You and me both Spitfire.”

  “But-”

  “No buts. We’ve got shit to do first.” He sighed, running his thumbs back and forth across my cheeks. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. It threw me Spitfire. I just...I didn’t know what to do.”

  I pressed forward, wrapping my arms around his waist and his hands dropped away. “If it’s what you want, then I’m with you.”

  He pressed his cheek against the top of my head, caging me against him with his thick arms. “Let’s worry about that later. I still want to smash this Championship. I owe it to you and Violet...”

  “And to yourself,” I whispered.

  “Yeah,” he agreed and I swore there was more sadness than anything in his voice. “One life changing decision at a time Spitfire. I don’t think I could take anymore than that.”

  Fuck, it was getting so morose in here I had to say something to make him crack a smile. “How life changing would it be to pick up your dirty clothes every once in a while?”

  Ash laughed and pinched me on the ass. “I think I can manage it.”

  Chapter 32

  Ash

  Standing by the side of the cage as Ren began her bout for the night, I couldn’t help my wandering eyes.

  She was perfect. She fit me in every way I could think of. Firm tits, tight ass, snug pussy and when she fought…fuck, that got me hard every time. Trust me to fall for a fighter.

  Ren was up against a fighter named Storm this time round. She had a good strike rate against this one and I wasn’t that worried. Spitfire had this in the bag as far as I was concerned.

  It was a full house at The Underground tonight and being so close to the Championship, I wouldn’t expect anything less. The fights became longer and more aggressive as better fighters were paired up. This was the time that the real challenge began.